Little else tears down a relationship like lack of respect for each other. Think of it as a verb. Some couples appear instead to be focused on pointing out each others' flaws, nagging as if the partner is a child who needs constant reprimands and reminders or otherwise communicating in a sneering, judging or berating manner. If you want to be respected in the relationship, you must respect your partner. So, what is active respect?

Active respect means listening carefully, considering the other person's thoughts and feelings as valid and acting as a couple, rather than as an opponent, judge or authoritarian parent. It's particularly difficult to to act with respect towards a partner, though, if you've developed a habit of communicating less than respectfully with your partner -- or if your partner doesn't treat you with respect. The antidote for both cases is to intentionally act with respect. You may need to discuss with your partner how you want to be treated respectfully and make amends with her or him if if and when you slip up. Over time, you'll change any bad habit of disrespect you might have and your partner is likely to change the habit too.

I'll be writing more on this soon, especially about why a lack of respect develops and

Many couples are very busy, but rarely together -- living parallel lives. They may both have jobs and household responsibilities may be separate too -- he does the shopping, she does the laundry, he does the cooking, she does the cleaning and do on and so forth. Okay, but what about leisure time? If there are kids, one of the parents may be with them, while the other goes to the gym or runs errands. Even when the family is all together though, it's frequently  not quality couple time, and how many of us eat dinner, do the dishes, watch a little TV or read and then fall into bed exhausted? I doubt that watching TV and reading can be called quality couple time, but what about hobbies or other activities. Does one of you golf every weekend while the other goes to art galleries? Does one of you restore old cars and one of you plays bridge? All of those things are good and fine, of course, but do you carve out time for just you two at least a couple of times per month? What do you do together for fun, outside of intimacy (if there is some), or are you just sharing a house and household responsibilities? What errands do you do together, or are your lives completely parallel in that too? What interests do you both have that you pursue together? Could one of you become involved in something the other does -- and maybe then the other could be involved in something you do? When do your lines curve and meet? If you're feeling lonely or as if most of your interactions are just about the business of running the household, yet are living with a spouse or partner, it could be because you're living parallel lives. What will you two do together this month?

No one has any doubt that financial worries can affect a couple in extremely negative ways, so the current, incessant reports on the instability of the stock market can set off a chain reaction of stress within a couple's relationship -- unless you just cut it out of your life. Wise financial planners are advising not to act impulsively now anyway, so if the best course is to hold tight, as it seems to be, there's no excuse for focusing on it. Even many people who don't have much or anything in the market are worrying lately about what it might mean for prices and their jobs, and it's all for naught. Worry never got anyone anywhere; If there's no real and wise action that can be taken, why worry about it? The healthiest individuals and couples are the most likely to be those who don't attend to the multitude of fruitless vicissitudes of life, but maintain a hopeful and stable attitude with only a very occasional glance for potential dangers. By the way, if you don't have a financial advisor and are trying to manage your stocks on your own, let it go unless you can manage them with both expertise and a calm attitude yourself. Make your coupleship a place of serenity, cooperation, optimism and love; Avoid undue stress that pulls you away from that by ignoring the sensationalized world financial news and you'll maintain your relationship, a clear head and bett

Gratitude is essential to a respectful and loving relationship. Sometimes, we hold grudges that keep our thank yous far and few between, or perhaps we haven't had role models that said thank you enough. In any case, how long has it been since you thanked your partner for taking out the garbage, doing the laundry, grocery shopping or making dinner? Letting go of the grudge and intentionally increasing your verbal gratitude will make you feel better too. Thank you isn't just for the big stuff -- the surprise vacation or a great birthday gift. It's for listening, answering the phone when you're not in the mood and the many small things we do for each other every day. Thank you is a great re-enforcer too, in case your "other" hasn't been doing much around the house: Look for opportunites to give a big thank you! to your partner and you increase the chances they'll do it again or find something else to do for you, or you as a couple, for a big hug and a thank you. Seems simple, right?

I personally happen to be lucky enough to have a partner too see me through the recent loss of a family member. Sensitivity, warm arms and a consoling presence when we're in grief are wonderful gifts we can give each other in such times.

Perhaps nothing short of death can be as traumatic as infidelity for a couple. It's often hard for both to imagine how to recover, but it can be done. First, of course, the person who has been cheated upon needs to hear -- probably more than once -- that it will never happen again. If you were the cheater and want to save your marriage or relationship with your partner, promise never to cheat again and stand by that promise. If that's difficult for you, you ned help from a professional counselor who can help you understand your cheating and overcome it. You may need a couples counselor too; to sort out what happened and address what may have gone wrong in your relationship and get you back on the right path.

It's natural for the one who's been cheated on to be suspicous and check up on the partner who cheated. It'll take awhile of this to reassure the partner -- and as the cheating partner, it's my belief that that you should be patient with this. It doesn't feel good to be on a short leash, but to be realistic (and no, I'm not being judgmental about this), what else can you expect? You broke trust and it takes times to go from the mistrust created by infidelity back to trust. Not only should you banish any thought of cheating, your partner will also recover more quickly if you'll do your utmost to show how you love him or her now.

As the partner who was cheated on, go ahead and check on your partner if it will help you feel better. I understand that you've been deeply hurt and may be very angry. Try not to rage, though. It's bad for your health. Know that your anger comes from hurt and address the hurt. Because you feel so hurt doesn't mean that you're unattractive or that she or he doesn't love you. If your partner claims to love you and still find you attractive, watch to see if he or she is also walking the talk. If not, seek couples counseling, and if you believe that if certain issues in the relationship were the cause or part of the cause, go to couseling together.

Maybe he or she never trusted you in the first place, though, and maybe that was without reason. Getting to trust can be especially difficult under these circumstances and may require some marriage or couples counseling or indivudal counseling for the person who had trust issues before there was just cause.

Most relationships don't survive a second revelation of infidelity. If you want your relationship, don't stray and work on your relationship now as you've never before worked at it. Sensitivity to your partner's feelings, affection, loving words, gratitude, respect, following through with what you say you'll do and not do, special times together, opening up in long conversations, listening well and paying attention can mend, and even surpass, the quality of your relationship. For the partner who has been cheated on, take it day by day, do what you can to take of yourself every day, allow yourself to gradually trust, be open with your feelings and, as you're able, wish yourself and your partner peace.

Are you ever tempted to remind your partner of all the years or time he or she didn't do something right? Do you give in to that temptation? Or does your partner remind YOU of those times? When you want something to change and are asking for that, try your best to stay in the moment. No one can undo the past and those reminders only serve to denigrate and punish the other person. This isn't helpful to getting what you want or negotiating another solution. Instead, state what you want or need, be upbeat about the potential for working it out and if your partner still says no, try to see his or her side, and try again later only if it's really important to you.